Being Known, Knowing Others: The Relational Heart of Thanksgiving

By Peaks & Valleys Therapy – Missoula, Montana

Thanksgiving has a way of drawing us back into connection.As the days cool in Missoula and the seasons shift, many of us feel a nudge to slow down, gather with people we care about, and reflect on what truly matters. While the holiday is often known for food, tradition, and gratitude, I believe Thanksgiving carries a deeper meaning — one rooted in our human need to be known and to know others.

As a mental health therapist in Missoula, I see every day how powerful authentic connection can be. It’s central to healing, growth, and well-being. And Thanksgiving, at its core, is a holiday about connection — with ourselves, with others, and with the stories that shape us.

Gratitude Beyond the Checklist

Many people think of Thanksgiving as a time to list things they’re grateful for:“My family. My home. My job.”These things matter — but gratitude is more than a simple inventory.

Gratitude is relational.

For some, Thanksgiving can bring warmth and joy. For others in our Montana Communities, it can also carry heartbreak, uncertainty, or loss. Many people carry complicated feelings into the holiday season. Maybe this is the first Thanksgiving without someone. Maybe family dynamics feel heavy. Maybe the year brought change that you didn’t ask for.

If this is you, you’re not doing Thanksgiving wrong — you are being human.

I often tell clients that gratitude doesn’t have to ignore pain. The truest gratitude is the kind that acknowledges what’s real: 

“This was hard. And I’m still here.”

“This year stretched me. And I’m learning.”“

My heart is full and also tender.”

Gratitude is allowed to be messy and becomes more meaningful when it’s honest.

The Courage of Being Known

One of my core beliefs as a therapist — and as a human — is that people are meant to be known and to know others. This longing sits at the heart of mental and emotional health.

And yet, being known requires vulnerability. At many Thanksgiving tables, it feels easier to stay on the surface or share what we think we should say.

This holiday offers a chance to go deeper.

Being known might look like sharing how the year truly felt — not just the highlight reel. It might look like expressing something tender. It might simply be allowing yourself to show up authentically, without trying to manage how others perceive you. 

And knowing others might look like listening with curiosity instead of assumption. Slowing down enough to genuinely notice the people around you.

This year, consider asking questions that open the door to connection:

• “What surprised you about yourself this year?”

• “What was something challenging, and how did you get through it?”

• “What felt meaningful or healing for you?”

• “Where are you feeling hopeful?”

• “What brought you joy or comfort?”

• “What are you letting go of?”

These kinds of conversations create the relational closeness so many of us seek.

Holding Space for Emotional Complexity

Thanksgiving can also stir up old family patterns, memories, or wounds — and being back in familiar environments can activate emotions we haven’t touched in a long time.

If this holiday season brings up stress or feelings of disconnect or anxiety, that’s more common than you think.

Here are a few supportive practices I often share with my clients in Missoula:

• Take a slow breath before entering the gathering.

• Set a small intention (“I want to be present,” or “I want to stay connected to myself,”, “I want to stay grounded,” or “I want to be present with one person at a time”).

• Take breaks outside or in a quiet room if your body asks for one.

• Notice without judging what emotions surface for you.

You’re allowed to protect your peace.

You’re allowed to have boundaries.

Your well-being matters.

You’re allowed to step away and return when you feel ready — even during the holidays.

Sometimes the most courageous thing on Thanksgiving isn’t sharing the perfect moment — it’s tending gently to your internal one.

A More Connected Thanksgiving

You don’t need to create a perfect holiday to create a meaningful connection. Here are simple ways to cultivate a more relational Thanksgiving experience:

• Invite a moment of gratitude before the meal.

• Share reflections that go deeper than “What are you thankful for?”

• Take a post-meal walk in Montana’s crisp November air to reset your mind and body.

• A gentle prompt at the table that invites reflection rather than performance.

• Practice presence — listening, noticing, breathing.

Connection doesn’t require grand gestures. It grows in small, intentional moments.

Carrying the Spirit Forward

The beauty of Thanksgiving is that it reminds us of what we’re made for — relationship, connection, belonging. But these experiences don’t have to be limited to one holiday.

In therapy, I see how transformative it can be when people feel truly seen and understood. Whether you’re navigating stress, grief, anxiety, relational challenges, or a desire for deeper self-understanding, healing often begins with connection — both with yourself and with others.

As a therapist serving Missoula and the surrounding Montana communities, I am continually honored to support people in that work.

This Thanksgiving, whether your table is crowded, quiet, joyful, grieving, or somewhere in between, I hope you experience moments of genuine warmth and connection. And I hope you remember that being known — deeply and authentically — is one of the greatest gifts we can offer and receive.

Wishing you a heartfelt Thanksgiving from Peaks & Valleys Therapy in Missoula. May this season be gentle, grounding, and full of meaningful connection.